HOW TO LOVE A CYCLIST

A cyclist doesn’t need candy—it’s already 80% of their diet disguised as “performance fuel". What they need is emotional support, preferably from someone who does not have a problem when their life partner’s primary concern is not rent or groceries but whether their new cassette should be an 11-28 or an 11-30.

The kind of love that endures when they disappear for five hours and return as a hollowed-out, salt-crusted husk. The kind of understanding that somehow survives when that house fund turns into yet another high-modulus carbon fiber frame. The emotional resilience required to pretend it’s normal to wear bib shorts at the breakfast table.

Because without these things, these fragile, Lycra-clad creatures would wither away. So if you have the misfortune of loving one, try to show them kindness this Valentine’s Day. Offer food. And every so often, nod gravely when they are lamenting rotor wear limits or launching into an impassioned soliloquy about how 32mm tires have the audacity to measure only 30.4mm on a 23mm internal rim.

Because, let’s be honest: if you don’t love them… no one else will.

Ostroy

Love in the Time of Lycra